Stop and Smell the Roses

By Antonio Capolongo, Sponsorship Coordinator

Throughout my life, I have found myself always looking forward, whether toward something Iwas excited about or something I dreaded. A tough period was always eased by looking ahead, and a great moment was always spoiled by the realization that things were about to get uncomfortable again, so I never felt able to enjoy it. I had anxiety that made it hard to eat or sleep, never mind perform to the level I knew I was capable of.

Reaching goals no longer brought a sense of reward, only a sense of how far away I was from the next one. Deep down, I was asking myself what would ever be enough. I consistently played down my achievements and made them seem easier than they were, so how could I ever be satisfied? On the surface, I kept speeding things up, hoping the next PR or the next completed task would suffice, knowing it never would but not being able to confront that fact.

Allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts, and especially to feel the emotions that come with thoughts that uproot who I am, has brought me immense discomfort, likely more than if I had continued to suppress them. It has also brought me unparalleled growth in my mindset and my happiness, something I would never have experienced otherwise. It has allowed me to slow down, appreciate the little wins, and stop to smell the roses. I learned along the way that one reason I couldn’t appreciate big wins was that I wasn’t giving myself time to acknowledge them, and I never knew how to value the little ones. I would brush over a beautiful sky, fresh air, all the things that bring joy in times of distress, as not big enough, not worth recognition, and with that, the smaller wins kept growing, until soon enough I couldn't tell the difference. Staying in the

moment is hard, and no one does it perfectly, but living in mental anguish over an infinite number of things that could happen in the future is far harder. Slowing down and breathing today doesn’t mean sacrificing my future. It means making sure I’ll be there for it.

So I try to live in tune with the smallest of wins, smell the figurative roses as much as possible, and to take the losses as a sign that I’m doing something the future me I used to worry so much about will look back on smiling.